Today was pretty eventful. As I promised, I went to Pmall to shop with San for her phone and then watch Leap Year together. Yes, just me and her, and no, it wasn't a 'date'. Just in case if there are any misconception, since I found out that a lot of people actually read this blog. The movie was pretty good, though stupid annoying kids ruined it at the end by crying.
Steph asked me what would happen if San and I never broke up. To be honest, I really don't know but one thing I could say is that, there's nothing was gained or lost. She is one of my good friends and at this moment, there's nothing I would ask for more. So why doubting my decisions from the past?
It's funny how last night, my mom surprised me by asking if I was going out with San. I laughed and told her all about Tim and her. She also asked me if I currently have any girlfriends. If I was in high school, it would be the worse nightmare. But now that I'm in university and I guess, more mature, I actually questioned her back whether if she'll like it if I one day told her I have one. I remember back in high school, she told me not to have any girlfriends yet and focus on school. Obviously, I lied back then. She gave me an honest answer, by saying that I'm old now and as long as I know what my goals are and know what's going on, she'll support everything I do. I reassured and promised by telling her that she'll be the first one to know if I have one. You may think that it'll probably end up being lies all over again, but think again. Four years ago, I never made any promises. Four years later, I promised my mom. If she trusts me, I should trust her as well.
Speaking of decisions, sometimes I wonder what will happen if I attended another university or selected another program. As of now, I'm still uncertain with my program, but something is motivating me to finish to the end. As of university, I love Waterloo and I love my friends and people around me. But San was right, I brought high school with me or should I say, high school followed me to university. I mean, it's not a bad thing at all because I felt secure switching into this new environment. Sometimes, I feel like I don't to the group because I'm so much different from them. It's like I've followed the wrong friends and maybe sometimes, I feel bad because I don't do anything that's their definition of 'fun' because all I do is stuff that are related to school. Most of these friends that I know in Waterloo will be the ones that I'll know and be friends forever. I know this because just a year ago I've convinced my mom that University of Waterloo is the best choice because of their co-op program. She's happy with it, but in reality, deep inside her heart, I know she wanted me to go to University of Toronto.
I kind of feel insecure. I don't know the reason. Friends are there for me, and I have the motivation to move on in my program. So why the hell did I have this stupid self-revelation? Maybe life is just moving on too fast for me. Just a tad too fast.
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